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how i beat the horses with the hairdo system

2012-12-17 - 8:07 a.m.

The office party was at the race track, and it came with gambling money included, tee hee. It has been so long since I've been to the races that I didn't know that you had to scramble to put your tickets in a machine, instead of waiting at a window. However, don't assume that the 70s were entirely wasted. I put my keen observational skills and hard-fought knowledge of the ponies to work, as you will soon see. We had a clubhouse room overlooking the paddock where the horses gathered before the race. On the first race, I just made a small $2 bet and observed the ponies prancing around. On the first race, I noticed a horse that had its mane styled, and I remembered what some old boy from back in the day told me. "That one is ready to have its picture taken."

"That one will win," I say.

"Studies have shown that you have positive expectation betting the favorite," says DH. I'm skeptical but I put my tiny $2 on the favorite.

Seconds before the betting is closed, a bunch of money piles on the horse with the hairdo -- making it the favorite. Plus it wins, and we lose.

"I knew it," I said. On the second race, there was no hairdo tell, so I just picked a horse to show at random, which I figured gave me three ways to win.

My horse won. Winner, winner, chicken dinner!

The money sort of automatically appears back on your ticket once the results are official. So I bet half the ticket and cashed out the other half, since I reason that I should keep back money from each winner, or what's the point? This time, they did have a hairdo horse, so I bet that one.

My horse wins again. Go me! I was now holding back $45 in winnings.

On the fourth and fifth race, I again bet hairdo ponies. In the fourth race, the horse only had its hair done partway, so I wondered if they thought it was gonna win, and then something happened to make them lose heart. In any case, both horses showed, so I made tiny profits on those tickets. I think the fifth race is the one where there was an ugly gray splotchy horse which was also the favorite. DH doggedly bet the ugly horse, and finally one of the favorites held up. He had a winner.

Nothing on the sixth race. There was a hairdo horse but he started poorly and only moved up to finish fourth. Most of the party-goers had now lost all their money, and the lady working the room picked up the food, so they took the hint and left the party. I had $14 left in unused vouchers, and DH had $10 in vouchers. I gave him $2 and now we had $12 apiece. "Let's put it all on the seventh race and then see if we can get back to the house to feed the birdies before dark," I suggested.

We went back to the clubroom to check out the horses. It turned out the favorite was also the one with the styled hairdo. So both systems say to bet that horse. It's another ugly gray horse though. I hate to bet a gray horse. But a system is a system, and it's all party money, right? So we both follow our systems, with DH betting the $12 to win and I bet it to show on the same ugly gray horse.

Ugly gray horse with the nicely braided hair romps in first, and we both cash out winners, although he gets a lot more since he correctly picked the pony to win instead of allowing it to show up as far back as third.

I think I started with 12 $2 tickets, so I took my party gift from $24 to $66. DH started with 10 or 12 $5 tickets and ended up with $58. I know, I know...don't quit your day job. But, hey, it buys a lot of bird toys.

later

I just realized that I forgot to note what I wore to the party. There is no danger that I'll wear the same outfit again, as the leather trousers and glittery purse are on their last outing and have been removed to the donation basket but, for the record, I wore the buttery leather pants, sleeveless glittery brown and silver turtleneck layered with a rope of lucky tiger eyes, and a light beige jacket ornamented with a christmas palm tree rhinestone pin. The little gold purse is the one with long beaded danglers hanging off the front. I thought it looked pretty good but there are tiny worn spots on the back (nonbeaded) area of the purse as well as two small stains on the leather, so I figured they were good for one last casual outing and that's it. Don't want to accidentally plan on them for anything fancy.

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