PEACHFRONT SPEAKS

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snowcopalypse now 2011-01-11 - 11:05 a.m. I'm sure that the travel-weary victims of Snowcalypse 2.0 had a far more adventurous day than we did, but we tried to do our part to reduce the chaos. As I commented earlier, we'd been warned to either change our ATL connection or risk having our flights cancelled -- and, of course, the flights in question were cxl'd early on Sunday evening so I think we made the right decision -- but the MSY-SLC is an inappropriate aircraft for full flights, a CRJ900, simply way too small and miserable for a four hour flight. It was overloaded and unbalanced, and the final straw was when they allowed a 500 pound woman to board. On an RJ. On a completely full flight. I don't believe in embarrassing anyone, but if you weigh over 500 pounds, then you already know that you're heavy. Nobody is telling you anything you don't know. And you shouldn't be allowed to board an aircraft of that size and disrupt the entire flight for everyone else. They asked for volunteers, and IMOM and I volunteered. We would be routed through a connection at LAX leaving 85 minutes later, so we'd be delayed less than 2 hours. A win-win for everyone, Delta would get their plane balanced and only pay us $200 apiece for the short delay, for a total of $400. Most of the other travelers had been stuck in New Orleans overnight, because Snowcalypse actually starting backing up planes on Sunday, and everyone who thought they'd fly out Sunday night (through ATL) was still there. No one else volunteered, at least to my knowledge. Still, ultimately, we didn't get the bump. The trouble, I think, is that we were on the opposite side of the aircraft (the AB side), and, thanks to smart planning, we were in the exit row. The individual in question was on the CD side and wasn't permitted to sit an exit row since she would need seltbeat extenders. Also, the combined weight of IMOM and I and all our bags still wouldn't balance her weight. I don't KNOW the thinking of the gate agent, but I suspect it was something like this: Bumping those two passengers won't help anyway without re-arranging a lot of seats and bags, so I might as well keep them on the plane. In other words, I think she was trying to do something nice for us. It just didn't make much difference in the end. They decided to re-arrange the "gate checked" bags, a process that took 30 or 40 minutes. Since we had a 45 connection at SLC, IMOM and I were starting to wonder. Despite the beautiful weather, the winds must have been going against us, because the pilot didn't manage to make up any time in the air. In fact, I think he lost a few more minutes. By the time we reached SLC, at the opposite terminal from the SLC-LAS and SLC-SEA gates, it was too late. We ran like hell, but all of the Vegas pax missed the bus, and I'm pretty sure that the Seattle pax did as well, although I'm not as certain. As for the 4 hour flight itself, on a CRJ900, if you must, then you had better be a small person like IMOM and I, and you'll still want the exit row. And you'll want to be traveling with someone you don't mind touching, because you can't help but touch. Fortunately, the enforced closeness was made a little more tolerable by the Delta "Have One on Us!" which I used for Bailey's and coffee. Hey, it was 8 AM somewhere, probably on this very aircraft. I also read Steve Martini's Critical Mass, which was pretty near perfect for an airplane book -- the right length for a four hour flight too, as I was just sniffling through the tragic ending as we started our descent. So to SLC. Here, I had run ahead of IMOM, my thinking being if only one of us makes THAT plane, it should be me, because the hotel reservation is in my name, and I can go ahead and be getting checked in while IMOM heads out on a later bus. My pride was rather severely damaged, after I ran through the entire airport, secretly thinking to myself, No one has beat me to this gate. No one. If ANYBODY from our flight could make this plane, it would be me. In fact, I was beat to the gate by a man of probably 60, who'd had a knee replacement. Sigh. Since he beat us to the head of the line, we got to hear him bless out the poor reservations clerk, There's a plane going out at noon, why can't I get on the plane? and Why did they tell a man to run with a heart condition and a knee replacement if they weren't gonna hold the plane? and all that yap, yap, yap. I can understand why he was frustrated, but THIS clerk isn't the person who told him to run. And the clerk who told him to run probably already knew that the noon flight was already full. So they truly weren't trying to screw him. They were trying to help, but it just didn't work out. Meanwhile, some young black kids (twentysomethings, I think, not tweens!) were freaking out. They may never have flown before or rarely. "It isn't our fault we missed this plane," the leader, if you will, was saying. "What will we do?" "Don't worry," I said. "Delta knows our plane was delayed by weight balancing. They aren't going to charge you anything to change your flight." He fussed a little more, so that I wouldn't know that my guess was right that he was worried about the money, but I detected a definite whiff of relief. And I saw him and some of his buddies get off in Vegas, so all's well that ends well. As for IMOM and me, the clerk seemed relieved to get some folks who weren't freaking. She put us in the exit row, and also at the top of the upgrade list. She also slipped us $24 to buy us lunch. Go, us! We had lunch, at some deli where the clerk helped us get the bill to something like $23 and pennies, and then we strolled back to discover that we were now seated in First Class. We were both in windows, though. I had 5A and IMOM had 5D. Pre-board glass of wine, a couple of Bailey's on the rocks. I guess I'm a bad influence, because the guy next to me copied my style and ordered the same thing. Hell, it's Vegas, honey. SLC-LAS is not a very long flight, and I don't know how high it gets, but on a clear winter's day, we had some incredible scenery. The beauty of the snow on the mountains more than made up for the angst of being trapped in a window seat. I thought IMOM was napping, and I think the flight attendant did too, because after we deplaned, IMOM complained that he'd ordered a tomato juice and it never came. Meanwhile, our side of the aisle was an open bar. So, just one of those days. But we're here safely, and I turned in early to get caught up on my sleep. back - next All Rights Reserved, Copyright 2002-2017 by Elaine Radford